With Love
by blue-eyed-cow
Summary: Donatello writes a series of letters to April that he knows he'll never send. Even so, getting all his jumbled thoughts onto paper certainly makes him feel a little better. (TMNT 2k12 Version)
1. The First Letter

**A/N: Hello, dear readers! I'll try to keep this brief! I haven't posted anything on here in ages, but I'm super in to TMNT now and couldn't resist! This story will consist of many letters from my favorite turtle, Donatello, addressed to Ms. April O'Neil. I'm big into April and Donnie as a couple, so these letters will explore a lot of the different concepts of the pairing. A quick warning: this fic is on the higher end of K+. There will be some swearing and mature themes, but I don't think it's quite worthy of a T rating.**

**I hope you enjoy it! And if you do, please don't forget to let me know what you think of it! I appreciate any and all reviews!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Turtles or any of its characters. This applies to all chapters.**

* * *

_Dear April,_

_ I'm a coward. I always have been. When my brothers and I were young and first beginning our training, I was always the last to dive into battle. I wasn't skilled like Leo, I wasn't strong like Raph, and I certainly didn't dive head first into everything like Mikey. I was hesitant, and I cost me. I think it's gotten better, thanks to Sensei's guidance, but it's still _there_, you know? I guess it's because I think too much. I think when I'm busy, and when I'm bored, and when I'm tired, and when I'm stressed. I also think when I'm scared, which is my problem, I believe. This new "fight without thinking" thing that Master Splinter taught me is helping, but… I don't know. Maybe that's why the bo is such a good weapon for me; it gives me something to focus on between each strike, each jab, each blow. You have to think_, '_how am I going to bring that side of the staff onto my opponent's left shoulder from where it is now?' It's all about getting from one place to the next swiftly and effectively. It's those moments between strikes, jabs, and blows that scare me most, which is why the bo staff is a good match. Even if the moves have become second nature at this point, those moments of movement between the lines are what keep me brave._

_ But I don't feel so brave. Ever since we got a painful taste of The Shredder's power, everything feels different. In less than four months we had gone from never even seeing a person in the flesh to waging war against the most terrifying person I can think of. I'm scared shitless and all I can tell myself is 'keep fighting, keep inventing, keep fighting, keep inventing…'_

_ I'm a coward in other ways, as well, which marks an end to this lengthy introduction: I can't even talk to you without my heart racing and the blood rushing to my face. I've studied both the turtle and human anatomy in full, and I can say without a doubt that what you do to me is _not_ normal. That's why I'm writing this letter and probably many to come, I suppose: so I can vent all my thoughts and fears and observations and hypotheses onto paper. I know I'll never actually send you any of these, but I think I feel a little better already._

_With love,_

_Donatello_


	2. The Second Letter

_Dear April, _

_ I love you. I don't know what I can write to follow that up, honestly, because that's really all there is to it. I've known that since the very fist moment I saw you. Granted, what Raphael said to me when I first saw you is completely true; you were the first and only real girl I had ever seen at the time. But I didn't just fall in love with you because you were the first. I fell in love with you because you were and are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen _anywhere. _My brothers and I, but especially me, loved to learn about the surface world before we went up those few months ago. We would watch all the television we could, or sometimes we'd find old magazines and newspapers that we'd study as though our lives depended on it. Once I made my first computer and connected it to the surprisingly strong WIFI signal, (which I suspect has something to do with the fact that the lair was a subway station back in the day), we had access to the wonderful world of internet and all of the glory that accompanied it. So, naturally, being the teenage turtles we were, we took an interest in the girls we could now see online. It was never inappropriate, of course! Well, at least, _I _never looked at anything inappropriate, but I have my doubts about Raph…_

_ Anyways, the point is that I knew what to expect, but you…. You caught me off guard. And I know this isn't some petty teenage boy crush. It _feels_ like love, you know? And there isn't one doubt in my mind that that's exactly what it is: love._

_ It's a rather obscure concept to define. The dictionary I memorized at age twelve says it's a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, but in that case I love my brothers. Which I do, of course, but it's not the same. The type of love I'm talking about can be learned in one of two ways: through media such as television, or experiencing it for yourself. Of course, only the latter of the two _really _works; the first is just for children who convince themselves they know the definition. For quite a while, that was me. I thought I knew what it was by watching a boy and a girl kiss on our favorite cartoons. And I'll admit that I found this media-induced concept rather trivial. I always asked myself, 'why would I want to kiss some icky girl when I could be working in my lab?' And then I saw you and everything changed._

_ You're gorgeous in every possible way. You're beautiful, smart, funny, charming, determined, strong, and sweet. I don't want to take my eyes off you for a millisecond because I'm afraid that if I do, I'll miss a millisecond of all your beauty, and that's the last thing I'd want to do. Well, maybe second to last; it may or may not be behind drinking a glass of H__2__SO__4__, otherwise known as sulfuric acid… but, yeah, you get my point!_

_ I've come to realize that you're probably well aware of my crush on you by now, and I know you'll probably never feel the same way about me that I feel about you, but I just want you to know that I'm going to keep on loving you and protecting you until the end of life on Earth as we know it, regardless of your feelings for me. I figure it's the least I can do._

_With love,_

_Donatello_


End file.
